“Wants Nothing” Quality Time: just floor-sitting, being available, being there with all the senses awakened to the child; watching, listening, thinking of only that child.
“Wants Something” Quality Time: when you do have a goal to accomplish something together, such as dressing, bathing, feeding, etc. You can make sure the child knows that this time is different from your “Wants Nothing” time by actually saying, “Now I want to diaper you,” or “Now it’s time to get dressed,
A baby can learn to spend time by himself. It is important for him to discover satisfaction and joy in his own independence. And, when the mother finishes with her own time, she can come back to her child and be able to fully concentrate on interacting with him without distraction.
Sharing is based on the knowledge of ownership and use. The owner lets someone else use an object with the knowledge that it will be returned later. But the infant also has no concept of time. Only “now” exists. Even two minutes may seem like forever. We cannot expect a young child to perceive what sharing means.
Biting is instinctual. While in early infancy biting is rather exploratory, toddlers bite when frustrated, angry, or tired. If I have to deal with a chronic biter, I must use a sensitive but strong strategy. Both ‘victim’ and ‘aggressor’ need to feel that the adult is in charge and can protect them. I say to the biter, calmly but firmly, ” I will not let you bite any child or big person. If you feel like biting, here are things (teething rings, rubber or plastic objects, etc.) you can bite.”
I watched him very closely in order to predict what would trigger his aggressiveness and prevent him from doing it. I would hold him firmly but not punitively, telling him that I would not let him bite and that he needed to learn to trust me.
Very young infants cry when they feel discomfort from hunger, pain, feeling too cold or too warm, sudden changes in position, transitional times, and too much stimuli from environment. Respect the child’s right to express feelings, or moods, whether crying or smiling. Try to find and eliminate discomfort.
The key word in Magda Gerber’s philosophy is RESPECT . . . respect for your baby and respect for yourself, the parent. An awareness of your child’s point of view, as well as your own, will greatly help in building a respectful relationship.
Dear Magda
Dr. Pikler found it quite remarkable that our ideas, which are in opposition to general trends in parenting in America, have found such acceptance by a growing group of people.
Original RIE Manual
“Wants Nothing” Quality Time: just floor-sitting, being available, being there with all the senses awakened to the child; watching, listening, thinking of only that child.
“Wants Something” Quality Time: when you do have a goal to accomplish something together, such as dressing, bathing, feeding, etc. You can make sure the child knows that this time is different from your “Wants Nothing” time by actually saying, “Now I want to diaper you,” or “Now it’s time to get dressed,
Magda’s Writings
Respect is the Guideline of RIE’s Philosophy. The Educarer shows respect, for example, by not picking up an infant without telling him beforehand, by talking directly to him, and not over him, and by waiting for the child’s response.
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