“Wants Nothing” Quality Time: just floor-sitting, being available, being there with all the senses awakened to the child; watching, listening, thinking of only that child.
“Wants Something” Quality Time: when you do have a goal to accomplish something together, such as dressing, bathing, feeding, etc. You can make sure the child knows that this time is different from your “Wants Nothing” time by actually saying, “Now I want to diaper you,” or “Now it’s time to get dressed,
A baby can learn to spend time by himself. It is important for him to discover satisfaction and joy in his own independence. And, when the mother finishes with her own time, she can come back to her child and be able to fully concentrate on interacting with him without distraction.
“Loczy”, Is a residence for normal infants in need of full-time care in Budapest under the direction of Emmi Pikler, M.D., It is acknowledged as a model center for the study of infant development. Loczy has attracted visitors from all over the world. Caregiving is guided by:
An intimate, stable relationship with one person, developed during care-giving, where the infant is freely exploring and manipulating objects in a safe environment.
Who is Dr. Pikler? She, as well as her accomplishments, are well known. She was my children’s pediatrician and my professor. Later, I had the privilege of working with her in Budapest, at the National Methodological Institute for Infant Care and Education. Dr. Pikler proposed that unrestricted an not sought gross motor development positively influences all other areas of growth – social – emotional, cognitive and even character formation.
Sharing is based on the knowledge of ownership and use. The owner lets someone else use an object with the knowledge that it will be returned later. But the infant also has no concept of time. Only “now” exists. Even two minutes may seem like forever. We cannot expect a young child to perceive what sharing means.
The best materials for infants need not be fancy, but neither are they limited to castoffs. The best play objects for babies are those which allow them to be as active and competent as possible at every stage of development.
Toys should be sturdy but simple. I do not like busy toys. I like busy children manipulating their toys in many imaginative ways. Include objects that are safe and simple. These objects should be basic, able to be manipulated in many ways, and not requiring adult help or supervision. They should require the child to be active, not passive.
If one were to list all the cruelties and maltreatments, both physical and emotional, that parents and adults inflict on children under the guise of love, the list would be a long one. But, going beyond such sinister examples, even kissing and hugging may or may not convey to a child that he is loved.
Love is a feeling, an emotional state. Artists, writers, philosophers, poets have tried to define it. Marcel Proust says, “Love is space and time measured by the heart.” What is space and time? It is the here and now. It is you.
What are the infants’ needs, beyond those for food, rest, warmth and hygiene? Most people would respond with the following: love, as demonstrated by rocking, fondling and body contact; and cognitive stimulation as demonstrated by an abundance of objects, teaching materials and lesson plans. These needs have become largely accepted and most centers try to meet them in different ways.
To attain a balance between adult stimulation and independent exploration by the infant, we focus on two areas of the infant’s life: the time spent with the adult who cares for the infant and the time the infant spends alone freely exploring his environment. Only a child who receives undivided attention from his educarer during all routine care-giving activities will be free and interested to explore his environment without needing too much intervention of the educarer. If the educarer understands that the infant needs both concentrated attention while being cared for and time to explore alone, she (he) also gains time for herself (himself).
Dear Magda
Dr. Pikler found it quite remarkable that our ideas, which are in opposition to general trends in parenting in America, have found such acceptance by a growing group of people.
Original RIE Manual
“Wants Nothing” Quality Time: just floor-sitting, being available, being there with all the senses awakened to the child; watching, listening, thinking of only that child.
“Wants Something” Quality Time: when you do have a goal to accomplish something together, such as dressing, bathing, feeding, etc. You can make sure the child knows that this time is different from your “Wants Nothing” time by actually saying, “Now I want to diaper you,” or “Now it’s time to get dressed,
Magda’s Writings
Respect is the Guideline of RIE’s Philosophy. The Educarer shows respect, for example, by not picking up an infant without telling him beforehand, by talking directly to him, and not over him, and by waiting for the child’s response.
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