Children, like adults, need rules and guidelines. I conceptualize discipline as being a system based on and facilitative of mutual respect among family members. We could easily exchange the word ‘discipline’ for the word ‘educaring’—they are both a combination of learning and nurturance. The goal is inner or self-discipline, self-confidence, and joy in the act of cooperation.
A positive goal to strive for when disciplining would be to work at wanting to have children we not only love, but in whose company we love being. Lack of discipline is not kindness, it is neglect. Give yourself the same respect you give your children, that teaches the children respect for you also. Structure, expectations, predictability — all add to responsibly raising and loving our children.
The key word in Magda Gerber’s philosophy is RESPECT . . . respect for your baby and respect for yourself, the parent. An awareness of your child’s point of view, as well as your own, will greatly help in building a respectful relationship.
Quality Time is that precious time of truly being with your child … The best way to begin this gentle balance is by making the diapering time, and all other care, a special time. No distractions, just the two of you doing the rituals of caring in a pleasant, peaceful, and rhythmic way while you talk with your baby… about everything you are going to do and are doing. “Okay, love, let’s take off this wet diaper… the child and you are a team. Your eyes are not frozen on the diaper, and you are not under the pressure of dealing with a frustrated baby who feels trapped.
Dear Magda
Original RIE Manual
A baby can learn to spend time by himself. It is important for him to discover satisfaction and joy in his own independence. And, when the mother finishes with her own time, she can come back to her child and be able to fully concentrate on interacting with him without distraction.
Magda’s Writings
Respect is the Guideline of RIE’s Philosophy. The Educarer shows respect, for example, by not picking up an infant without telling him beforehand, by talking directly to him, and not over him, and by waiting for the child’s response.
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